It's Like Trying to Only Eat One Gummy Bear!

Ever come home from a hard day and just feel like toking up on some compliments? Maybe sit down and drink a six pack of incoming phone calls? How about snorting some facebook friends? I’m not talking just one, I’m talking like 700+. Inject some high fives, ‘well done’s, some hugs? Pull out your bottle of besties, and pop a movie invite? Because there is nothing like getting high off of approval, right?

I have a friend who is the most organized and the most meticulous thinker that I know. It is refreshing. But he told me “Sean I don’t WANT those gifts. I want to be well spoken! I want to be an athlete!” Sometimes it seems people value the gifts that get them more praise than other gifts. Who hasn’t imagined themselves as a professional athlete, stadium going crazy?! (I hope other people do that, or else I really just threw myself under the bus there) Because I know we’ve all pictured ourselves winning an award, being the best at something, being recognized!

There are no Olympics for being organized. There is no plumbing-bee. There are no movies about excel spreadsheets transforming into spreadsheet-prime, and fighting off the evil google-docs. It is like we use our skills, and talents, and attributes to buy the drug of approval. If only I were funnier, then people would like me more. I could be better looking, and I’d get more attention. Maybe if I were an incredible athlete, people would notice me. Being liked is a drug, and we all have a bad habit. And like any drug, at first it works, but the next time around you need more, and more, and more. I don’t care if you’re in high school, college, getting married, or 60 years old. You have a being liked problem.

I think the more your giftedness translates into social acceptance, the more impossible it is to walk away from the addiction. But has it ever satisfied? Has it ever made anything better? In fact, in my experience, it has only made me more miserable! An ounce of disapproval feels like a quart (I don’t understand fluid measurements, so offer me some grace here [you get my point]). If one person doesn’t like you, it feels like the end of the world, whereas for other people they can just walk away and let it go. Like any drug addiction, my habit is becoming self destructive. I sometimes lose sight of who I really am, because I am too busy shaping myself around what other people want me to be.

So now what? Well it’s time to go clean. I’m not talking about adopting an attitude of “well who gives a rip what people think about you!” For one, it doesn’t work that way. Additionally, there is something to be said about having some accountability in who you are. That, I am okay with. I think the key, the trick, the rehab to healing, is to let go. I was once told that life isn’t about stopping something, it is about becoming someone. I have seen a lack of success in my life when I tried to just stop doing something. But what does it look like to start walking the other way?

Letting go of this addiction is to relinquish the need for people to all fall in love with you. Maybe we need to stop working so hard to get people to like us, and we need to start working very hard at getting us to like people. How different and full of life would we be if we could focus our efforts on loving well? What if we focused all of our energy into chasing after, and offering worth to the people we encounter every day. Our world would change, and we would be transformed. And if we all adopted this, then everyone WOULD be liked!

When you start living your life like this, the ironic thing is that people will like you. All people really want is to be listened to. We can all attest that people just want someone to like them. Let’s worry more about liking them. Isn’t it funny that the moment we let go and don’t care about how many people like us, everyone will begin to like us? The moment you don’t want it anymore, you get it. Easier said than done. Be free.

Yes. I do realize I asked 13 questions in this blog. My next blog will be about the drug of asking too many questions.

I Propose a Toast!

King Arthur was always a warrior, and an admirable one at that, in the face of danger. But with chaos reining in the kingdom, he was faced with his toughest decision in all of his time as ruler of Camelot. Excalibur came easy, the swift draw of the sword out of the stone. This proved that unachievable tasks to some, were without strain for Arthur.

"What shall we do m'Lord?" Sir Kay asked from across the circular, wooden table that served as both a banquet table and a war table.

The dragon was attacking, on the west side, just adjacent to the great lake. The Picts and Saxons were marching on both sides of the city, probably ready to fight each other for the remains of Camelot, after claiming it in victory. The knights of Camelot were very short handed as months ago they had deployed brave men to return with the holy grail.

"M'Lord?" Kay repeated. Arthur was lost in thought.

"Merlin is no more, and how we could use him in a time like this. Recall Gawain and Galahad from the quest for the grail. Send a messenger and tell him to make haste! Sir Kay and Sir Palamedes, you two will go and lead battle against the Picts. Tristan, you and I will lead the battle against the Saxons. Leave the dragon for now. When we return, we will worry about him. Now, I propose a toast! To Life and Death, but surrender, no!"

Death. We lost. But how the hell were we supposed to know there was a traitor among us? And in our defense (obviously not literally), there was no way we could do all of that AND fight the black dragon. Not the way the story is supposed to go? My bad. Just know we gave our best effort to do things right. Unfortunately we came up short.

Board game nights at our house are the best. We get the roommates together, sit at our round (oval) table, and play. We play with vigor, because no board game is going to get the best of us. Lately we have been playing Shadows Over Camelot. Everybody vs. the game, sans one scum bag traitor. This time around it happened to be Daniel Carter. He screwed us over.

The game is made up of accomplishing certain quests. But failed quests lead to a losing game, and the traitor makes it his mission to sabotage quests without being found out.

I'm pretty sure my favorite part of the game, regardless of the outcome, is when a knight accomplishes something great. Someone will shout from the Oval Table, "I PROPOSE A TOAST!" and follow it with something along the lines of "To Sir Galahad! For recovering Lancelots Armor!!!" Everyone makes about as many manly noises as they can during the toast, and our neighbors probably assume everyone in our house is drunk. One time we broke out in song, "Proud to be an American," not sure how that fits in with anything, but it was fun.

Through our time in Camelot I have realized that toasting is an absolutely beautiful part of life. Everyone, comes together for something in common. It is a moment of pure community. Better yet, it is for a common cause, everyone tapping their drink in agreement. There is a moment of physical connection, with the clinking sound of a glass. Shout it out, shout with joy, proclaim, and celebrate. Together.

I don't care if it is for a sports game, a board game, a wedding, or just good time with friends over a beer. You can toast milk, grape juice, beer, wine, champagne, or even oatmeal (it has happened). People coming together, for anything, with anything, is irreplaceable. And having the space and creativity to celebrate any word, phrase, or thing is freedom.

My friend Lance told me that in Africa, they made sure that he knew the proper way to toast. It is a common act for people to stare at the collection of glasses while they toast. However, the magic is in looking everyone in the eyes. Regardless of habits, this changes everything. Try it.

Toast! Be joyful! Celebrate! I propose a toast, to toasting! Cheers mate! Make it a regular event, because i promise it builds meaning with frequency, never becoming a stale tradition.

Winky Face

It was a great excuse to not call and check in. It was a great excuse for my mom never to know I was currently in the dumpster behind Barnes and Noble taking anything good I could get my hands on. It was a good excuse to not call a girl back. I didn't get a cell phone until I was 17 years old, and I never complained.

Apparently, elementary schools even have problems with cell phones being used and ringing in class. I don't have a problem with young people having cell phones, I'm just trying to illustrate that young people HAVE cell phones. Why is this important? Text messaging.

Whether it be text messaging or instant message or Facebook chat, it doesn't matter. Being able to hide behind a screen, from another location, gives people a lot of courage. Especially young people. We can go on and on about whether or not Facebook, or cell-phones, or chat are good or bad things. I'm not interested in arguing about that, as much as I am interested in the things people are enabled to say over text message.

People tell each other they love each other. People ask each other out on dates. People sext (this still baffles me). People break up with each other. People tell each other they hate each other. People talk about difficult roommate situations, discuss bills, apologize, share their heart, argue, fight, smile, encourage, cry out, and even laugh out loud.

I have seen a lot of people talk to me about things that they would never, ever say in real life. I have had people bring stuff up that when I am around them, don't exist. I've had people tell me how much they love me, when around me they can't give me a hug. There is courage, a ton of courage, hiding behind a screen. This fascinates me. There must be something about someone looking you in the eyes, that exposes who you really are. There must be a great fear inside of us, that someone might actually see the real us.

I think that having courage to say things that you wouldn't normally say, can be a great thing. I know that people have shared some really cool things with me that they wouldn't have otherwise. I strongly believe that someone asking someone else on a date, or telling someone they like them, should happen in person. However, if there is someone who is incredible to me, and it comes down to them telling me they like me over text, or not at all, I will take the text. I've loved how real and raw some people have been with me over facebook chat. I love the deep inner workings I get to see in people's hearts, when I otherwise wouldn't get the opportunity. Encouraging texts can be saved, to look at later. None of these are negative things.

It can also be very dangerous. It enables someone to say something they don't mean. People take risks and get involved in things they normally wouldn't. It almost seems like the added courage of hiding behind a screen, can also be mask the feeling of conviction. The conscious can, essentially, be muted. I've seen a lot of people make mistakes over text, facebook, or email. It is not always a good thing.

My biggest point is this: If text messaging gives you the courage to say something you normally wouldn't, let that courage carry over. Let that courage be a starting point. If you are able to tell someone how important they are to you, over text, transfer into being able to look them in the eyes to say the same thing. If you can ask someone out on a date over text, make sure you can tell them how special you think they are after the date, to their face. If you can tell someone they screwed up, or you are upset, own it! Be able to look them in the eyes and have a difficult conversation.

I strongly believe in the positive effects of added courage. I have experienced a lot of cool things as a result. But life was intended to be real; so make it real. Use the courage as a stepping stone to something bigger. When you text someone, ask yourself (every time), could I say this to their face?

And for the record, I don't need text to tell you I love you. Give me a chance to spend some time with you and I'll be sure to say it to your face.

Oops

WARNING: The following blog features acts performed either by professionals or under the supervision of professionals. Accordingly, The Garrison Household and the Writer must insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact any action or activity performed in this blog.

We were bored, I have to admit. I cannot say, however, that we would have used our time differently if we weren't. I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to spend their Wednesday night watching great (awful) movies? We started with Titanic 2. You're probably asking yourself, how can this movie exist, being that the Titanic Sunk? But I'm asking myself, how did so many pretty girls get on one boat? I mean, every single girl was beautiful. The boat sank. People died. I'd feel bad about ruining it for you, except telling you how it ends actually saves you from attempting to watch it.

We then moved on to Zombie Strippers, which lasted all of about 3 minutes before we turned it off, and from there went to Alien vs Ninja. I thought the award would go to Alien vs. Ninja, especially when I saw the scene where the Alien ripped a Ninja in half. I jumped the gun though, because I hadn't yet seen The Human Centipede, which gets the award for wost movie of all time. Bryan Euser had to make the suggestion, and I severely regret listening to him (He later redeemed himself). My life is worse because I watched that movie, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

During all of this madness, Flu made the ignorant comment that the Titanic had taken off from Britain. I decided I needed to log on to Wikipedia to prove just how wrong he was (He was right). I found a lot of interesting information about the Titanic, and a particular story caught my eye: the story of Violet Jessop. Apparently, both sister ships of the Titanic also either sunk or crashed. Violet was on all three.

I sent a text to Bryan and in his opinion, some of the information on Jessop's wiki seemed a little fishy. There was the story about a baby being stolen from her immediately following the Titanic crash, who later prank called her. There is also the story about how she went back when a boat was sinking for her toothbrush. I suggested to Bryan that we make our own contribution to the Wiki, and offered him a suggestion, which he refined. He replied: Check the Wiki. (Please refer to the last sentence of the Britannic section.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violet_Jessop

Bryan you are a genius! "Reports also indicate Violet witnessed a prehistoric creature submerging and swimming away after the sinking of the Britannic." Kablam! Not only did we instantly become published writers, but we learned a very important life lesson. Our teachers were not lying to us when they said Wikipedia is not a reliable source. I officially, sincerely, and formally apologize to every teacher I fought with over the validity of Wikipedia. I was wrong.

Please do not attempt to recreate the events of this blog. These movies are to NEVER, EVER be watched. I realize it sounds fun to "put your own spin" on history, but I compare it to letting your dog poop on the neighbors lawn. Sure, if I let my dog poop on the neighbors lawn, they might be upset and a little suspicious. But if everyone lets their dog poop on my neighbors lawn, then war will be waged. Lets not screw kids over when they're writing their school essays, and disregard the teachers warnings about Wikipedia. I know I already have a lot of apologizing to do, to kids out there writing their Violet Jessop essays.