Broken Vessels

I think The Low Anthem has it right. Whether you are someone who believes in Evolution, Creation, or a collision of the two, Darwinism is tough to handle. How we were created or came to be ‘human’ isn’t the issue in my eyes. I can live with God creating us slowly, and I can live with the instant creation of Adam and Eve. In fact it doesn’t influence my faith at all.

The part of Darwin’s thesis that I struggle with is the idea of survival of the fittest. Perhaps, by a world standard, the fittest have more food, extend the race, and have a lasting role in the genetic code of a species. That too I can live with and accept, I think. From the heart view, however, I believe this creates a false view of life. This devalues the human heart. It creates a system of superiority, and by the standards of the Kingdom, is completely backwards. It is survival of the weakest, because those who are weak are set free. And while life might seem better when you are strong and self sufficient, there is no freedom.

When you have to be in control and responsible for everything in this world, you will fail, you will not experience freedom, you will miss out on what it means to love and surrender, and just like everyone else, you will die. I desperately want to take care of people. And if it is survival of the fittest, then I am not doing myself any favors by being there for the people who need it most, the people who can’t take care of themselves. More than anything I realize that if life is about survival of the fittest, then I am already on the outside.

“Who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin? Fighting for a system built to fail. Spooning water from the broken vessels, as far as I can see there is no land. Who could heed the words of Charlie Darwin? Lords of war just profit from decay. And trade the children's promise for the jingle, the way we trade our hard earned time for pay.”

I Should

Simple thought: I don't know many people who have any sort of identity outside of what they "do." More often than not, the 'do' defines the identity. May we be people who let our identity create our 'do.' Find who you are, be who you are, and live out of that.

Now I've gotta spend some time figuring out who I am.... Dangit.

Only A Moment Ago

Click to watch in High Def, Full Screen. (Recommended)

Wildfire

Swimming backwards, upstream,
A candle loses the flame.

Wax deformed, water soaked,
Crying out,
If a candle could cry.

No fire to wield,
Powerless flare.

Be different little candle,
Get out of the water.
Upstream, downstream,
It isn’t your place.
You are your own flow.

Iridescently illume,
Your brilliant fire smile.
Only by the wildfire,
Will you ignite again.

Girls… Yuck

That’s right. I said it. Recently I’ve been trying to go through this healing process. I haven’t really let myself like a girl for some time now. In my defense, I’ve come close. Even recently I’ve started to tell myself that part of healing is risking, and when I have an inkling, to let it in. Usually this is the opposite from most guys, who have issues with trying to fulfill their life with girls. I however, try to fulfill my life with independence. I asked God if I can be single for my whole life. The response was the realization that intimacy, giving myself away, love and affection are a few of my gifts. I’d be wasting a great opportunity if I just walked away.

All of this being said, to pursue a girl involves risk. Healthy risk is freedom, and it is a gift. To risk for someone is one of the greatest things you can offer them. I’m sitting in a coffee shop right now, next to one Lance Atkins, and one Daniel Fluharty. Jason is in the corner with his headphones on, unknowingly performing a concert for us. At the encouragement of all three of them, I have been instructed to risk on my instinct of wanting to ask out the girl across the coffee shop. Seems like a good idea, but for whatever reason I can’t bring myself to do it. A barony of myself wants to, but I won't. What is it inside of us that says no to risk? What is it that seizes up? I mean, honestly I have nothing to lose. If she says no, she says no. If she says yes, well… that might be worse than her saying no. That realization should probably reveal a lot to me about the wounds and walls around my heart. Risk. It is a horrible, beautiful, scary, wonderful, uncertain, freeing thing. It’s a shame that I am unwilling to do it. Here’s to hoping I heal.

Stick It To The Man

I respect people who stand up for individualism, and who stand up for what they believe to be right. I think that the government machine, any organized anything, and social expectation can be harmful. I have seen a lot of people who have authority issues (me) and have seen a lot of people determined to stick it to the man. I have friends who would do anything to be a non-conformist, and that is okay.

But often times I find the fight for this “freedom” to be quite enslaving. If you are being a non-conformist and sticking it to the man, at the expense of social responsibility, friendship, and integrity, then you are not free. I would say that if your pursuit of freedom comes from a place of anger, then you are a slave to your pursuits. Does it feel any better? When you look inside of yourself, do you feel free or do you feel miserable? Don’t trade your freedom, the kingdom, for individualism. Sometimes conforming is the freest thing there is, and sometimes not. Be real.

FB Social Experiment

I am a big supporter of Facebook. In fact I really enjoy Facebook, and I see a lot of good in it. I am deleting my Facebook.

Facebook is a great place for me to check up on the people I love. A status update can tell me that someone is doing well, struggling, got a new job, or has a hot girlfriend. A lot of people post things that I really enjoy watching and seeing. It is a blast to see pictures of me and my friends. I have a lot of friends that I otherwise wouldn’t be friends with. Facebook has reuinited me with people I haven’t talked to in years, helped me find soccer players, get in contact with people, and even share with people how great life can be. It helps me to know what events to attend, and quickly get a group of people together. Oh and last but not least, Facebook helps me remember my Mom’s birthday.

Recently though, I had a conversation with close friend Kyle Quackenbush about how Facebook has changed our world. Robert Putnam's book on the collapse and revival of the American community, Bowling Alone, sums it up pretty well: our communities are being rocked. We are no longer meeting our neighbors, we are no longer calling each other, we are no longer having face to face conversations. There are a lot of things I could write here, but I will save them for a later date.

Basically I am deleting my Facebook as a social experiment. I want to see how my life is different without it. Will I lose touch with people? Will I get closer with the people I know? Will I meet my neighbors? Will I go crazy? Will I have more free time? Will I miss out on stuff? How will my social interactions change? All of these things and more will be asked and answered moving forward, as I begin an online journal keeping track with the progress. Wish me luck!