7:00 AM and the fifth snooze button. Jason had studied physics in high school, but couldn't seem to remember the lesson that explained why gravity was twice as strong when he was atop a mattress. He got - no, rolled - out of bed, knocking over a beer bottle from the night before. Time to shower; time to go to work.
Jason couldn't help but wonder if the 24 hour Old Spice really kept him smelling old and spicy for 24 hours. He'd have to ask the next girl he hugged, he thought to himself, water running down his face. He'd already been in the shower for at least 20 minutes, but the hot water heater always brought its a-game. Long ago Jason had come to terms with his addictions in negotiation when he decided, "Alright - you can stay. I'll just set my alarm an hour earlier than I need to so I can accommodate you, five snoozes, 30 minute shower." Sometimes surrender to your vices is freer than victory over them.
Today marked three years in construction for Jason. Accident prone it seemed his shift of holding the 'slow' sign for cars, had become longer than anyone else's. Jason saw the good in it: spending time outside, working with his hands, and getting to be around people. It wasn't all bad but every morning when he woke up he couldn't help but feel a little bit of sadness. He never woke up before his alarm went off, and he never got excited about his days.
"Oh that's okay Jason," he'd tell himself. "At least it is a job. It's not really that bad is it?" It wasn't. It's not as if he spent every singe day in misery. Some days were bad, and some days were alright. Construction wasnt his passion, but someone had to do it right? Otherwise there'd be no construction. He often would tell himself that when he had a wife and kids he would wake up every day excited to work so that their lives could be great. He'd pay for food, and eventually his kids could go to college. Work wasn't supposed to be fun. Work was work, and you just wake up in the morning and you do it.
He was out of the shower now. The hot water temporarily tattooed his skin red. Reminding himself not to think about things so philosophical while he was tired, he wiped the towel across the mirror and looked at himself in the eyes. "Yeah," he said, "work is just work." But a part of himself felt betrayed. Deep down he wondered if he was lying to himself. He knew in his heart that life was supposed to be something so much more.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Thursday, July 12, 2012
One Day at a Time
The most terrifying thing I can think of is to be old and look back on my life and say that I wasted it. I don't want to be unused potential, and I never want to have to ask myself what could have been. We have so many gifts among us, and worse than death is life without truly living.
I understand that I might be too hard on myself. However, I will never be willing to settle for a mundane life. Sure, we can't spend one hundred percent of our time commandeering ships, base jumping off the space needle, or saving the USA from a terrorist threat with nothing more than a potato gun. We don't all need to move to foreign countries or forsake responsibility in the name of 'living the great adventure.' In fact, I often feel like people quickly become addicted to things of that nature because those 'adventures' mask real, true idleness.
I just want every moment to matter, in my heart. I want to be fully alive when I have nothing better to do than sit on my porch and watch the cars go by. I want painful moments to hurt, I want to laugh with joy, I want to truly celebrate. And beyond that, I want to give myself away. We all have gifts, but they aren't ours to keep. The inflation of ego, using gifts to build our empire is one way to be selfish with our gifts; not using our gifts at all is another.
I'm not perfect, and I'm definitely not a hero. I don't expect to wake up tomorrow and immaculately live every single moment. In fact, I've only proved that throughout my life I am all too willing to let it pass by. At least, more willing than I want to be. I also don't have the answers or words to get anyone else to that point. But there is one thing I am sure of: if I surround myself with people who are passionately seeking life, the contagious nature of big hearts will be a constant reminder that every single day and every single person mean something. And I guess, amidst all of it, that is the best possible thing I can ask for.
Be the type of person who is fully alive when you have nothing better to do than sit on your porch and let the cars go by. Let painful moments hurt, laugh with joy, and truly celebrate. Chase after your dreams! Ask people what their dreams are, and grab their hands and chase with them. Please. And I will do my best to be that kind of person, and together we will passionately, imperfectly love and inspire our way through this life.
When you are old, I will be there by your bedside to remind you that you did it. I will be there telling everyone all the stories, re-living all of the moments when you were truly alive.
I understand that I might be too hard on myself. However, I will never be willing to settle for a mundane life. Sure, we can't spend one hundred percent of our time commandeering ships, base jumping off the space needle, or saving the USA from a terrorist threat with nothing more than a potato gun. We don't all need to move to foreign countries or forsake responsibility in the name of 'living the great adventure.' In fact, I often feel like people quickly become addicted to things of that nature because those 'adventures' mask real, true idleness.
I just want every moment to matter, in my heart. I want to be fully alive when I have nothing better to do than sit on my porch and watch the cars go by. I want painful moments to hurt, I want to laugh with joy, I want to truly celebrate. And beyond that, I want to give myself away. We all have gifts, but they aren't ours to keep. The inflation of ego, using gifts to build our empire is one way to be selfish with our gifts; not using our gifts at all is another.
I'm not perfect, and I'm definitely not a hero. I don't expect to wake up tomorrow and immaculately live every single moment. In fact, I've only proved that throughout my life I am all too willing to let it pass by. At least, more willing than I want to be. I also don't have the answers or words to get anyone else to that point. But there is one thing I am sure of: if I surround myself with people who are passionately seeking life, the contagious nature of big hearts will be a constant reminder that every single day and every single person mean something. And I guess, amidst all of it, that is the best possible thing I can ask for.
Be the type of person who is fully alive when you have nothing better to do than sit on your porch and let the cars go by. Let painful moments hurt, laugh with joy, and truly celebrate. Chase after your dreams! Ask people what their dreams are, and grab their hands and chase with them. Please. And I will do my best to be that kind of person, and together we will passionately, imperfectly love and inspire our way through this life.
When you are old, I will be there by your bedside to remind you that you did it. I will be there telling everyone all the stories, re-living all of the moments when you were truly alive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)